Just Holding On...

I guess it's time to re-connect with everyone here. I know I haven't been around much. Other than a few book reviews and the His Princess letters, I haven't been around at all. For once, I don't have much to say. I haven't written any blog posts (I'm sorry), I haven't written any fiction, and I haven't been around to visit any of you wonderful bloggy friends.

Today would have been my due date for the miscarriage I had in May. As much as I thought I had dealt with it previously, the grief has come back in full force. The six year journey of trying to have children has taken a toll on me, though I am SO thankful that we have had one. In addition, we've been dealing with another devastating situation for the last two years, which thankfully, is now behind us. However, now that it has passed, I'm feeling the weight and sorrow of that as well.

I know that there are so many people who are suffering greatly with trials much larger than my own and that I have much to be grateful for. And I am. Really. But I am also weary. A body can deal with a lot for a long time, but a time comes when you're so tired of the struggle that it takes what remains of your strength to simply hold on. That's where I'm at. It's where I've been for a while now. But I am holding on. I'm holding on to Jesus and I'm holding on to hope. Hope that next year will be better and I will be stronger, hope that God will restore what the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25), and hope that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28).

As this year draws to a close and I experience these feelings of loss, sorrow and weariness, there is one Scripture in particular that is speaking to me. And as such, I feel that it is appropriate to become next year's theme for Seed Thoughts. It is:

Thank you all for the friendship you've shown me since I began this blog a year and a half ago. Truly this whole experience has been a blessing. Thank you too for your patience in my lack of posting lately. I'm sure I'll be back on track soon. God is faithful and He will see me through.

To Trust and Obey

What I know is this. God will use me. All I have to do is trust and obey. When I began this writing journey a year and a half ago, I didn’t have any idea where it would take me. I just knew God told me to start writing again and make it more public. So I trusted and obeyed. And it has been wonderful!

I’ve found that by following the Lord’s leading, He has used me for His purposes, and I have received the benefit. God is so good! He owes me nothing and gives me everything! The season I’ve been in has been B U S Y . . . With a toddler running around, church activities, attempting to be a domestic diva (ok, so I’m more like a domestic dunce), starting a new home-business, and having a super-abundance of books to read and review, my writing time has diminished. And I haven’t been happy about that. However, God has shown me that it’s just for a season, and I will get back to writing more. Lot’s more.

Just because I haven’t been doing a lot of writing though, doesn’t mean that I haven’t been thinking and praying about it. And once again, God has come through. He is dumping so much into me that I have to write down all the ideas so I won’t forget. He’s been giving me tons of ideas for blog posts, devotionals, articles and fiction books.

Another thing I’ve felt the Lord leading me toward is speaking engagements. I don’t know what it will look like exactly and I don’t know when it will happen, but again, all I can do is trust and obey. So believing this will happen someday, it is my desire to prepare. As it has been said, luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity (Seneca, Roman philosopher, mid 1st century). Of course it’s not luck that I’m waiting on, it’s the Lord, but the principal is the same, right?

With that in mind, I’ve been praying that the Lord would reveal what my platform would be. After all, all speakers have to have a platform right? Once again, God has not let me down. He first gave me the acronym ICE, meaning Identity, Character and Emotions. All of these have been very important to me since I’ve become saved, because I have really worked hard at knowing my identity in Christ, having good character, and mastering my emotions, rather than allowing them to master me.

After ten years, I’m happy to say that I am well on my way to being the person God created me to be. Growing up dysfunctional, I never had any of this modeled for me, so God has had a lot of work to do. But He is faithful, and He will not quit on me. After all, it says in Phil. 1:6 “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

So as I have time, I will write on the things that God has been revealing to me. I am really excited about this new turn in my journey, and I’m thrilled to have you along for the ride! Stay tuned, it’s going to be good!

You Lead Me Lord ~ Psalm 139, Part 4

"O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers! They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name. O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you? Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." ~ Psalm 139:19-24


This is a tough one. Have you ever been hurt by another person before? Betrayed, slandered, mistreated, abused, or violated? Have you ever witnessed injustice, cruelty or prejudice? Have you ever been a victim of circumstance or persecution? Of course you have, you’re human! We all have. We live in a fallen world, overcome by sin, and we’ve all experienced, and caused, by the way, pain.


As Christians we are admonished to forgive. Forgive, forgive, forgive! Jesus said we are to forgive a person who hurts us seventy times seven, meaning as often as we are hurt or offended. We are to forgive if we want to be forgiven.


Forgiveness isn’t natural. It isn’t what we want. What we want is payback, vengeance, justice. We are humans, and we have human emotions and desires. When I read the above verses, I love the raw honesty of the Psalmist. He is being real with his emotions, strong and passionate as they are, as he cries out to God for intervention.


No, forgiveness isn’t natural. But it is necessary. It is necessary for our own sakes. When we hold onto the offenses that are done to us, we become steeped in anger, and that anger turns to bitterness, animosity, hostility and hate. And those emotions are destructive, not to the person who hurt or offended us, but to ourselves.


If we choose to forgive our enemies, we free ourselves from an ugly and dark self-imposed prison and we free God to act on our behalf. He will vindicate us. God is the judge, and He’s got our backs! It says in Romans 12:19, “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”


Offering forgiveness doesn’t simply mean the offender is getting off without penalty though. Simply put, actions have consequences. One way or another. Forgiveness can be instantaneous, but I think (in my case anyway) that’s more the exception than the rule. We have very real and strong emotions that we experience when we are harmed. That’s natural. And we often have to allow ourselves to experience them before we are able to choose to let go, heal and forgive.


When we make that choice, it doesn’t necessarily make all of our feelings go away, but rather it allows God to come in and begin to do His work in helping us to heal. His healing further allows us to let go and move forward. It is then that we are able to follow His lead and live the life He desires for us to have.


And it is only after that, after we’ve allowed God to show us the dark places in our hearts and heal us, that we are truly able to follow His path, ascend His hill and stand in His holy place.


“Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD? Or who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive blessing from the LORD, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.” ~ Psalm 24:3-5

The Story of Our Life

In the beginning… Once upon a time… It all started when…

The three statements above are all the first part of what you know is going to be a story. Is it going to be a good story? A happy story? A sad story? We all have a story to tell. It’s the story of our life. We all know the beginning of our own personal story, and we know the content of our story up to this point. However, we do have a ‘rest of the story’ that has yet to be told.

The end of the story is much more important than the beginning. The beginning and the middle of our story aren’t irrelevant though. To the contrary, they put our lives up till now, in context. We can’t change the past, what we did, or what was done to us (for good or for bad). But we can use our experiences to help others to get through their own. The Bible assures us of this. In Romans 8:28 it reads, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” And in Genesis 50:20 it reads, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

We also can’t live in the past, either with longing or regret. The only way to live, moving into our future, is by looking forward. Imagine for a moment, that you are driving a car. You wouldn’t get very far by looking only in the rear-view mirror. In fact, it would be disastrous to try. Of course we are aware of what is past, but our emphasis is in what lies ahead. The Bible speaks of this as well. In Philippians 3:12-14 it reads, “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”

God doesn’t care where we began as much as He cares where we end. He isn’t limited by where we started out in life, or by the mistakes we made along the way. He knows the end from the beginning, and He created us with a specific purpose in mind, to achieve that end. He loves us enough to accept us where we are. And then He gently, patiently, and lovingly, helps us to grow into the person He created us to be.

So how does our story end? That’s up to us. We have been given the gift of choice. We get to choose whether or not we accept the salvation that is freely offered to us. We get to choose how we live our life. We get to choose our attitudes and reactions to the twists and turns of the journey of life. And we get to choose whether we allow God to be in control of our life and trust that His plans for us are best, or whether we stubbornly hold on to our own way of doing things and end up with much less than the best that He has for us.

As I reflect on my own life, attitudes and actions, it is easy to see that God still has some work to do. As a daughter of the King, I’m not yet where I want to be, but I thank God that I am no longer where I was. When I turned my life over to Him, nearly ten years ago, he began changing me from the inside out. I'm no longer the person I used to be, but I really and truly like who I’ve become, and am becoming. To God alone, belongs the glory!

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” ~ Philippians 1:6

(C) 2008 Tracy Keck