You Know Me, Lord ~ Psalm 139, Part 1

O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! ~ Psalm 139:1-6


This Psalm (139) is probably my most favorite of all the Psalms. I have read it many times throughout my Christian journey. It has given me comfort and assurance in ways that are both deep and profound. It is Rhema to me, life-giving words to live by. Just today I read it again. Once more, it has jumped out at me, specifically the part posted above.


I’m the sort of person that can pretty honestly say, “what you see is what you get.” I’m not much of a faker. I never have been. This doesn’t necessarily mean I wear every emotion on my sleeve, but still, I try to be real, though not always deeply revealing (in that I do try to practice wisdom). That’s why it’s been so important for me to be real in my writing. As I go through the seasons of my life, I find I have to be real and honest about them. With both myself and God.


Reading the above verses, it’s good to know that in this, I’m right on target. Like the Psalmist, God knows me better than I know myself. He knows what I think, feel, say and do, whether I’m honest about it or not. Whether I’m aware of it or not. And even whether I am near or far from Him. He knows whether I will take the high road, or the low road, way before I even arrive at the road.


Once again, with my latest miscarriage, as with my previous two, I felt anger. I was angry with myself, with God, with the world… The thing I didn’t want to do was pretend that I was ok, because I wasn’t. I was hurting badly and flat out pissed off! I hope I don’t shock you too much, but once again, this is me, being real. I spoke of my hurt and anger in person, on my blog, and to God. And you know what? I feel better. Yes, I’m still in the process of healing. But being real, rather than in denial, is both healing and freeing.


Sadly, there are too many Christians who aren’t real. Worse yet, there are “seasoned” Christians who try to influence “newer” Christians to not be real. Who do they think they’re fooling? Certainly not God! He knows us, loves us, and understands when life, and the storms of life, gets to us. That’s part of the beauty of the reality of Jesus. Fully God and fully man. He felt strong emotions; He loved, laughed and grieved. He experienced loyalty and betrayal. And He faced, and conquered, death. He gets us!


And because He gets us, He expects us to be real, even if that real is raw. He is there for us, waiting for us to come to Him, to receive the comfort, peace and love that only He can give. Like a loving Father, He welcomes us to come and sit on His lap and pour out our hearts to him. Even if it is after a temper tantrum. And as we sit with Him, being real with Him, and inviting Him to touch us in His own special way, He does. Tenderly, lovingly, He reaches out to place His hand of blessing on our head.


Thank you, Lord, for your healing-balm, tender-mercies and loving-kindness. Though it is too great and wonderful for me to fully understand, I thank you.

Mother's Day Loss ~ Update and Poem

Last week I spoke about my latest miscarriage and what I have been experiencing emotionally. On Wednesday, I had the D & C, so now the ordeal is over. I’m now able to move forward and ready to begin healing. The emotions (anger, hurt, frustration) are still there, but not as intense as they were. I am beginning to take comfort from my Father. I have to wonder though, if medical personnel will ever understand there is no comfort by them saying things like “there was something wrong with the fetus, and the body just took over,” or “there’s no reason you can’t try again.” A simple “I’m sorry” is much better than medical justifications.


Mother’s Day is this Sunday and while I’m happy to be a mom to my precious little Sweet Pea, I can’t help but think of the little one’s I’ve lost. I recently found this poem on a site that has a pregnancy loss area. It touched me deeply and occurred to me that it may bring comfort to other women who’ve had miscarriages, so I’ve decided to share it here. I would love to give proper credit for this amazing poem, but don’t know who wrote it.

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To Hallmark, they brag that they have a card for everything.


Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear,
A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.

I just popped in to visit,
your stores to find a card.
A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought,
every card you could imagine.
Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside.
I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she's cried.

I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know,
That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night.

She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells.
She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth,
I must find a way,
to remind her of her wondrous worth.

She needs to be honored,
and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark,
I know you'll do your best,
I have done all I can do;
to you I'll leave the rest.

Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me.
Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.

~ Author Unknown

Happy Mother's Day!

ACLU, Prayer, and Hand of Hope ~ Current Events Wrap Up

Ok, it’s Thursday, and you know what that means… It’s time for The Current Events Wrap Up meme, hosted by the amazing Julie Arduini at her The Surrendered Scribe blog. The Current Events Wrap Up meme is the vision God gave Julie for discussing what is going on in the world, nation and even our own lives. There is so much happening these days and it would be amazing to have a team of conservative commentators discussing their thoughts. Please go and check out Julie’s blog, and if you like current events or news, think about joining in and/or spreading the word!

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Ok, this week there was too much going on to simply go with one thing. So here is a bit of a hodgepodge of current events.


~ Where’s the ACLU when you need them?

I was briefly shocked today, when I read that the state of Hawaii, which is the birthplace of our very own President Barack Obama, has declared Sept. 24th, 2009 as Islam Day! I say shocked briefly, because few things in the government surprise me much anymore. What about the holy tenet held so dearly by the ACLU, or FFRF (Freedom From Religion Foundation)? My civil liberties are being violated! (To read more about this story, click here.)


~ No National Day of Prayer for White House

Today is the National Day of Prayer, which has been in existence since 1952. For the past nine years, the White House has actively participated in this wonderful event by holding a ceremony to observe the day. Until this year. Apparently the new Pres. doesn’t seem to think he needs it . . . (To read more about this story, click here.)


~ The Hand of Hope

Sept. 4th, 1999, photographer Michael Clancy, then a freelancer for USA Today, shot what he has described as “a miracle picture, a miracle moment.” The special picture he took was that of a 21-week old “fetus” gripping the hand of a surgeon. It was a great moment for the pro-life groups who work so hard to save the millions of innocent babies who are aborted, year after year. And it was a blow to the pro-abortion side, as it was a strong tool in the passage of the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban, which passed in 2000.

Samuel Armas, now nearly ten years old, has a good life. He still has struggles with the Spina Bifida he was born with, but thanks to the surgery he had at 21 weeks in utero, his quality of life is much better than it would have been without it. . In addition to being an active young boy, he is an advocate for life, believing the photo that made him famous before birth, likely gave countless "babies their right to live" and forced many others to debate their beliefs on abortion, something he's proud of.

Michael Clancy, who was at the time a pro-choice advocate, change his beliefs and has now become a motivational speaker at pro-life events. His mission is to help others see what he saw, and hopefully, change their hearts and beliefs too! (To read more about this story, click here.)

Christian Universities?! ~ All About America

Anyone who really knows me understands that I am a passionate patriot. I love America immensely. It offers freedom, hope and opportunity like no other country in the world. As such, I will be posting All About America every Wednesday, because I am proud to be an American! The content will vary and may include photos, facts, commentary, quotes, excerpts of speeches, etc. I will use different sources and make every attempt to site the source. Sometimes I may offer commentary, other time, if I think the content speaks for itself, I may not. I hope you enjoy All About America as much as I do, and that you’ll come back and visit often. And may God Bless America!

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I find it fascinating that our prestigious, rabidly liberal Ivy League Universities were once Christian Universities! Below is a brilliant article, Harvard, the Ivy League and the forgotten Puritans, written by an academic, Ellis Washington, and posted in World Net Daily.

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Sunlight is the best disinfectant. ~ Justice Louis Brandeis

There's always a conflict of interest when people who don't really like America are called upon to teach about its history. ~ Ellis Washington (a paraphrase of Ann Coulter)


How did the eight so-called "Ivy League" schools – Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Columbia, Brown, University of Pennsylvania, Cornell and Dartmouth – go from being training grounds for Christian missionaries and ministers and respected citadels of higher education to what they are now – propaganda factories for every leftist, perverted, radical, tyrannical, failed ideology known to mankind? – Marxism, Darwinism, Freudianism, Higher Criticism, communism, multiculturalism, relativism, naturalism, positivism, socialism, liberalism, egalitarianism, feminist studies, gay studies, transgender studies, transvestite studies, outcome-based education, radical environmentalism, etc.


Did you know that America's oldest and most venerated colleges and universities like Harvard, Yale, Dartmouth were founded by the Puritans? Yes, those same Puritans who along with the Pilgrims were devout Christians and the original founders of America. What do we remember about the Puritans? Now, thanks in large part to the false prophets called "professors" of the Ivy League schools, we equate the Puritans inseparably with the Salem Witch Trials of 1692-95 where between 175-200 people were imprisoned, and, tragically, 20 innocent people were given the death penalty for allegedly being a "witch" based solely on the testimony of a few hysterical, emotionally unstable adolescent girls. This incident was indeed a dark chapter of history that has nevertheless been hyped up beyond reason by the secular left to erase the memory of the Puritans from the marketplace of ideas and from American history, from which they remain banished, even until this day.


Despite their Christian roots, currently all of the Ivy League schools are private and are not currently associated with any religion. Why? Because by the mid-1800s the secular revivalist movement called the Age of Enlightenment (1600-1830) had thoroughly infected the academy. The French Philosophes led the movement – Descartes, Voltaire, Rousseau, d’Alembert, Dumarsais and Diderot. There were "benevolent" tyrants: Napoleon, Catherine II, Leopold II, King George III; would-be tryants: Robespierre, Saint-Just, the indulgents, the Jacobins; as well as Anglo-American and Continental philosophers like Hobbes, Locke, Berkeley, Kant, Paine, David Hume and John Stuart Mills, some of whom considered religion generally, and Christianity especially, as passe, anachronistic, barbaric and increasingly irrelevant to humanity's march towards humanism, secularism, higher learning and utopia.


Therefore, over time, as a new generation of professors and university presidents took over, the Ivy League schools forsook their explicitly religious mandate to train missionaries and ministers to spread the Gospel to the world and instead pursued newer fields of study that not only denigrated American's Judeo-Christian traditions, but were increasingly openly hostile to it. The 19th century saw a continued rise of empiricist ideas and their application to old and new disciplines of knowledge – physics, chemistry, biology, zoology, taxonomy, geology, paleontology, archaeology, anthropology, sociology, psychology, psychiatry, economics, political science. This was at the same time Charles Darwin's theories on evolution and non-theistic creation became popular among intellectuals and academics. Darwin's famous book, "The Origin of Species" (1859), became their new Bible – its priests and prophets, the professor, its pulpit, the classroom or the seminar, its temple, the academy.


Next came influential thinkers like Darwinians Thomas and Aldous Huxley, Engels, Marx, Hegel, Freud, Franz Boas, Mead, Weber, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Roscoe Pound, John Dewey, B. F. Skinner, Samuel Atkins Eliot and Charles W. Eliot (president of Harvard), and by the 1930s the Ivy League had totally become temples not only to secular thought, but they were increasingly hostile to orthodox religious ideas of any kind ... except of course the new omnipotent religion of Liberalism.


The late 1950s saw the coming of age of the so-called baby boomer (the post-World War II generation, 1945-65) of whom many, having rejected the Judeo-Christian traditions of their parents, willingly embraced these ideas taught to them in the academy. As the 1960s progressed, this godless, hedonist, self-indulgent, entitled generation got their college degrees and even filled the graduate schools, receiving J.D.s, Ph.Ds., M.D.s, M.B.A.s and other advanced degrees.


Next the question is: Why have the Ivy League schools become so radicalized in modern times? Because they are filled with the progeny of the World War II generation, the baby boomers of the 1960s who have so thoroughly hijacked and perverted the original Christian/intellectual paradigm the Ivy League schools maintained in the beginning. However, progressives, liberals and humanists' unrestrained assault on reason, logic, religion, morality, politics, philosophy, education and capitalism didn't stop with the Ivy League schools. For example, the College of William and Mary (1693) was founded by Congregationalists (Puritans); Andover College (1778) was founded by Noah Webster to train missionaries; Rutgers (1766) was founded by Dutch Reformers; Dickinson College (1783), Smith, Bryn Mawr, Lehigh, Bucknell, Colgate, Swarthmore, Vanderbilt, Northwestern and on and on and on all were founded either by Jews, Christians, Christian denominations or Christian religious organizations. In modern times, however, virtually all these colleges are temples to intellectual paganism.


Justice Louis Brandeis (1856-1941), the first Jewish person to sit on the Supreme Court and a brilliant legal mind, once famously remarked, "Sunlight is the best disinfectant." I hope this column was successful at shedding the light of clarity regarding the denigration of the Ivy League schools and other prestigious universities and showing how far they have devolved from their original mandate to train Christian ministers and missionaries to spread the Gospel throughout the world into institutions of higher perversion, avarice, excess, vanity and degenerate ideas.


Paraphrasing Ann Coulter's august words in the context of this article, I likewise say – There's always a conflict of interest when people who don't really like America are called upon to teach about its history.


History is the tragic narrative of the martyrdom of our geniuses. To the Puritans that gave America America, as well as Harvard, Yale and Dartmouth, setting the original Christian intellectual and academic legacy of the Ivy League schools, I say, truly you are the greatest generation.

James Earl Jones ~ Character Counts

The Character Counts Meme posts every first and third Tuesday of the month. I’d love to have you join me for spotlighting, celebrating and honoring people of good character, who’ve led exemplary lives and who’ve lived with honor, integrity, dignity and sacrifice, and those who’ve inspired others by overcome great obstacles in their own lives. I believe that when we celebrate and exhort good character traits, we can turn the tide, and see more of them. At least I’d like to try! If you are joining us, please leave your name and link at the Mr. Linky down below and don’t forget to leave a comment!


UPDATE: Mr.Linky doesn't appear to be working at this time. If you are participating in Character Counts, simply notify us in the comments part of this post. Thank you!

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This week I have chosen to spotlight a man who is a fantastic actor and orator. He has long been a favorite (actor) of mine, but when I learned his history, I grew to admire him even more. While he is best known for his deep, rich voice, it wasn’t always that way. I hope you are as inspired as I was.


James Earl Jones was born January 13, 1931, in Arkabulta, MS. His parents separated before he was born, and he was raised by his maternal grandparents. When he was five, the family moved to a farm in rural Michigan. The move was so traumatic for the young boy, he developed an incapacitating stutter, and he refused to speak, essentially becoming mute. Though he could speak some, his stuttering was so bad, he wouldn’t do speak more than a few words at a time, even for his family. This debilitating condition lasted for eight years.


Jones began communicating through writing. He began to express himself through writing poetry. Things started to change for Jones in high school. He had a teacher, Donald Crouch, who saw through his insecurities, believed in him, and challenged him. When Jones turned in a well-written poem, Crouch pretended to believe that Jones couldn’t have written it himself, and had him recite it in front of the class to prove it. With his own words memorized, Jones found he could speak without stuttering. Crouch encouraged Jones to compete in high school debates and oratorical contests. One day, when he was a senior, Jones won both a public-speaking contest and a scholarship to University of Michigan.


When he started at the University, Jones majored in pre-med. He also joined the Reserve Officer Training Corp, where he excelled. It wasn’t long before he found himself more drawn to drama than medicine. Though he completed four years of college, he left without a degree. In late summer of 1953, he received his 2nd Lieutenant’s commission and his official orders. He was off to Ft. Benning, where he completed Ranger training.


After completing his service as an Army Ranger, Jones then headed to New York City to pursue his acting career. In time, he began getting small roles, which eventually led to larger, better roles. He has performed on Broadway, in movies, in TV shows, and has done voiceover work. Many people were surprised to find that his was the voice of Darth Vader in the Star Wars movies. And he lent his voice to Disney for his role as Mufasa, in the animated film The Lion King. One very special project he did though was to narrate an audio version of the KJV New Testament.

Jones is believed to be politically conservative, due to the fact that he supported the Gulf and Iraq wars, and is also a 2nd Amendment advocate. However, he prefers to keep his political views secret, and has stated that his endorsement is not for sale (which I respect).


James Earl Jones has become a well-respected and beloved actor and orator. He has won numerous awards for his voice and performances, including an Oscar nomination, numerous Emmy, Golden Globe and Tony awards and nominations. And all of this was accomplished by a man, who couldn’t even speak as a boy! Through encouragement from others, hard work, persistence, and an arduous program of public speaking, he overcame his debilitating handicap, to become one of the most talented and sought after voices in our time. Today he is one of America's most celebrated actors, renowned for what critics have called "the voice of the century."

Anguish, Anger, and Acceptance . . . Again

When I first started this blog, one year ago, I was being obedient to God by sharing my words, thoughts, etc. Most of what I post here comes solely from me, but some of what I post is from another source (My Princess book, American Patriot’s Almanac, etc). Sometimes I like to be informative, other times I like to simply have fun, and once in awhile I share with you my journey.


Regardless of what is posted each day, I strive to be real and relevant. Sometimes my words are for God, sometimes for others, and sometimes they are for me. Like most of you who do much writing, I find it to be cathartic. Sometimes, I simply have to let what is deep inside of me out. This is one of those times. While this is for me, it is not private otherwise I wouldn’t be posting it here. It is real and it is honest. I don't do fake Christianity.


First, let me say that I’ve been a Christian for ten years now. My relationship with God is deep enough that I can be real with Him, and He's big enough to handle it. I know there are mountain top experiences and valley experiences – and neither last forever. I understand that elation is on the mountain top while growth happens in the valley. I know God has a plan. I know He will never forsake me. I know He collects all my tears in a bottle. I know He uses things intended for harm and turns them into good. I know that God is good. I know all of this. But sometimes, I feel . . .


I had hoped to make a wonderful announcement soon. Instead I’m disappointed again. On March 31st, I discovered I was pregnant. We decided to wait until our first scheduled u/s to make the announcement. We were hopeful that this one would take. It hasn’t. We are now in the midst of our third miscarriage. Third. We have been dealing with this “threatened miscarriage” for two weeks already. The pregnancy is not viable, there’s basically nothing left but an empty sac, which is not passing on its own, so we had to schedule a D & C for next Wednesday. The day before what would have been our first scheduled u/s. Five days before Mother’s Day.


I don’t understand any of this. I’m hurt, disappointed, confused and angry. Very angry. I’m angry with my body for once again rejecting the life that was trying to grow within. And I’m angry with God. I know He could have intervened, but He didn’t. For whatever reason, known only to Him, He has allowed me to carry this burden again. As I have continued to delight myself in Him, I have not gotten the desires of my heart, but rather heartache.


I have an amazing, healthy and beautiful daughter that I love with all of my heart and I am eternally grateful for, but I wanted at least one more. Is that so wrong? This has been a five year journey. We are “older” first time parents and I desperately wanted to give Sweet Pea a sibling or two, because the likelihood of our passing when she is still relatively young is pretty strong. Of course that’s not the only reason we wanted another child. We just did.


The thing that gets me, is that those who seem least able or worthy of having children, have no problem doing so. Teens who are still children themselves, girls and guys who’d rather party than parent, drug addicts, welfare recipients, child abusers or murderers, etc. Rarely does a day go by that there’s not news of terrible child abuse. Just yesterday I heard of a local man and wife who’d been arrested for extreme child abuse. They admitted to breaking both the legs and an arm, as well as numerous other injuries, on their four year old daughter, over a potty training incident!


Once again, I just don’t understand. I come from a screwed up, dysfunctional family, both immediate and extended. I am the only one who’s worked to better myself. Booze, drugs, poverty, stripping, welfare, abuse, etc, is the normal way of life to my family. So is breeding like rabbits. The girls (my cousins) have lots of kids, who all have different fathers, whom they seldom marry. The guys really aren’t any better – it’s just harder to determine how many illegitimate children they really have. None of them take responsibility for the actual raising of the kids they have.


I grew up knowing life wasn’t fair. I accepted it. I didn’t really care that I’d been neglected, sexually and emotionally abused, was treated like a piece of dirt for being a welfare kid (that was before it was cool to be so), and many other things I survived or overcame from my childhood. I believed I could change the direction of my life and I did so. And yes, it was with God’s help. But He didn’t offer me anything that He hasn’t also offered my family (and millions others), I just reached out to receive it.


But this one thing makes me cry out to God, “It’s not fair!” Why is it that I am having such difficulty, when I’ve overcome so much and have so much to offer? We can provide a safe, loving home, and meet the needs of a child financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And I know I’m not the only one. Before I became a Christian, I’d only known one person who’d dealt with infertility – my friend LaNae, who was a Christian. But since I’ve become a Christian, I’ve met, known, and have heard of lots of other people who also struggle with this issue. Once again, it’s not fair!


So now we are faced with more choices. Do we continue on, trying to have another child of our own, trusting God to provide, and likely facing more bitter disappointment? Do we look into the option of adoption? Do we simply quit, accept the one child God has given us and be content to be a family of three? I’ve thought of adoption in the past, but I would rather it be a choice because that is what we want to do, not because we are forced into it because we have no other option.


I ‘feel’ very differently than what I ‘know’ and right now, this is my reality. I don’t need pat Christian answers or patronizing platitudes. Since the miscarriage is not yet complete, obviously neither is the grief. This is something we will get through, but I wish we didn’t have to. Frankly, it sucks. I wish this wasn’t happening again, but it is. And I know, that in the grand scheme of things, my problems are pretty minor compared to what millions, perhaps billions, throughout the world are suffering. Still, they are my problems and they do hurt. I haven’t been ok in the last couple of weeks, and it will probably be awhile before I am. Please don’t tell me that my pain will help someone else some day, because right now, I just don’t care.


Thanks for letting me vent and process. Thank you for allowing me to share my anguish, anger, and acceptance. Again.