The Miracle of Rising Up . . . Again

Sometimes, the miracle doesn't look like what we think it should. Sometimes we miss it completely because we're looking for something else. Sometimes we can only see it in hindsight. Sometimes the miracle is rising up each time we fall or we’re pushed down by the enemy. Thank you Lord, for your miracles, no matter what they look like!

These are the words that hit me the other day. Like a proverbial Mac truck! I have just gone through a time in my life that has been . . . well, difficult. In the last five years, we’ve experienced fertility issues, three miscarriages, a huge financial burden, betrayal, attacks on our character, the demise of a church we loved and poured everything into, the loss of relationships, the death of two beloved pets (just months apart), isolation, and the silence of God. Yep, it’s been a difficult time.

It would be easy to blame all of this on some great big sin in our lives, but it wasn’t there. Of course, we’re not sin free, but we weren’t in rebellion, or choosing a lifestyle of sin over a lifestyle of loving God and worship. It was “just” a time of warfare. For some reason, our enemy, the enemy, pursued us with a vengeance. We knew we were under attack, and we fought it the best we could. We kept going, we kept praying, we kept believing, we kept praising, we kept on keepin’ on, rising up each time we were taken down . . . for a time.

I have always believed that a person can endure or deal with most things if it’s only for a time. But when that time goes on and on, and the attacks are relentless, when the burden is unbearably heavy, and you have no reprieve, it’s easy to get weary. Deep down, doggone, wiped-out weary.

That’s where I was. My prayers, pleas, cries, and questions went unanswered. I believe in miracles. I’ve seen other people receive miracles. That last moment save, when all seemed lost, and the miracle happened to them. I rejoiced with them, while wondering, where was my miracle, my save? Especially regarding my miscarriages. I mean, I knew that God could intervene and save my babies, but He didn’t. I concluded that either God was not all-powerful, or He just didn’t care.

I wrestled with that. I wrestled with God. I poured out my anger, my pain, my questions, my blame, I just poured it all out. Time after time. And finally, after such a long time, things got better. The assaults haven’t stopped completely, but I’m feeling strengthened and victorious. I don’t have answers to the seemingly endless questions that have been plaguing me, but I have peace. I feel as if the large, dark and ominous cloud that has been hovering over me has been pushed away and has been replaced by glorious Light. God has shown me once again, that I am a victor, not a victim. That I am an overcomer, not merely a survivor.

And finally I know, finally I get it. I received my miracle. I received the miracle of being able to rise up each time I was taken down. Yes, the fight was long, drawn-out, unyielding and brutal. Yes, the enemy won some battles. Yes, we suffered major casualties, but . . . we survived, we got through and we rose up, again and again and again. We were bruised and bloodied, but we were not defeated. I am stronger for it, we are stronger for it. Through the midst of it all, our marriage did not suffer. And we know, without a shadow of a doubt, that what the enemy meant for evil, God will use for good.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ~ Romans 8:28

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. ~ Romans 8:37

Confessions of a Desert Dweller

I am a desert rat. That is to say, I grew up in the Phoenix area and have spent most of my life here. In the dry, hot, dusty desert. Many people say they can't see beauty in the desert. Not me though. I think the desert can be quite beautiful. Beautiful, mysterious, treacherous and deadly. Very deadly.

Because I have spent most of my life in the area that is known as the Sonoran Desert, I have a fair amount of knowledge and respect for the desert. I know a bit about the types of critters that abound in the desert, the weather that is common to the desert, and basically, how to survive in the desert. There are three things crucial to survival in the desert – shelter, food, and most importantly, water. With the intensity of the heat, sun and dryness of the desert, all three are critical. A person will not last long without any of these truly life-saving items, but most especially water. There's no need to fear the desert if you know, have, and utilize, what is needed to survive.

While I've been talking about the physical desert, the same can be said of the spiritual desert. For some time now, I have been in the desert. I have been wandering lost and alone in a spiritual desert that has been dry, intense and void of life. It's been a long journey, and at times I wondered if I would make it. Or would I, like the Israelites before me, perish before I got to the Promised Land?

I'll admit it; there've been times in my Christian life that I've smugly wondered what was wrong with those people. After all, they were God's chosen people! He delivered them from captivity and led them in the way they should go, amid signs and wonders, toward the Promised Land. So, He hung out with just Moses for a bit on Mt. Sinai , that didn't mean He'd abandoned them. Why'd they have to make that stupid golden calf idol? What happened to their faith?

Boy, have those thoughts come back to bite me in the backside! No, I didn't make a golden calf to worship, but that doesn't mean that I didn't lose faith either, because I did. I came to believe I was all alone, that God had abandoned me and that I would die in the desert, having never made it to my Promised Land (if there actually was such a thing).

But you know what? I'm coming out of the desert. I am no longer desert dwelling. And I can see that God neither turned His back on me, nor abandoned me. And like the good Father He is, He lovingly showed me what I did wrong.

I know what is needed to survive in the physical desert (water, food, shelter) and I know that knowing about them isn't good enough, I have to use them. It's the same with the spiritual desert. I know that to survive in a spiritual desert, these things are of utmost importance . . . reading my Bible, prayer and worship. But knowing and doing are two very different things.

I didn't read my Bible. I stopped - completely. I had no interest in it. It wasn't exactly out of rebellion, but rather, when I tried to read my Bible, I felt as if all the promises, all the encouragement, all the love was for everyone else, not for me. Honest! I understand that I (we) have an enemy who is waiting desperately for an opportunity like that, to whisper in my ear, you are nothing, you are worthless, this Book is not for you. But understanding this with my head and feeling it with my heart are two very different things.

I didn't pray. Why would I? After all, I felt as if my prayers were unimportant, wrong and falling on deaf ears. It had been a few years since my prayers were answered the way I thought they should be – whether the prayers were for me, someone else, or a broader situation. I wondered how could I have such a track record of praying wrong? It got to the point that I wouldn't pray for someone because I didn't want to "cause" them to not get what they wanted. Of course, I knew that I didn't actually have that kind of power, but understanding with my head and feeling it with my heart are worlds apart.

I didn't worship. Well, that's not completely true. Like water in the physical is needed more than anything else, and even a small amount will carry you along, worship in the spiritual works the same way. I didn't choose to worship because I never felt like I had it in me to do so. But I did. Even though my flesh was weak and weary, my spirit responded to promptings of worship in church, on the radio and on my Ipod. And those moments, when my spirit responded in spite of me, I was sustained. It got me through. God is wonderful and amazing and He deserves my worship, no matter what I'm going through, but I sort of forgot that. How like Him though to prompt my spirit, with His Spirit, to do the one thing that will carry me through.

What my spirit knew was that in worship, it wasn't about me, but about Him. Worship is about who God is, and who He is doesn't change, no matter where we are or what we're going through. Circumstances can't stand in the presence of God, the Creator of the Universe. We worship God because He is worthy of our worship, but it's for us too. It strengthens us, builds our faith, lifts us up and encourages us. It helps us to go on. Just like we need water to survive in the physical, we need worship to survive in the spiritual. That's true whether we're in the desert, the valley, the Promised Land, on the mountaintop, or somewhere in between. Have you had your worship today?

Shout with joy to the Lord, all the earth! Worship the Lord with gladness. Come before him, singing with joy. Acknowledge that the Lord is God! He made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation. ~ Psalm 100

I Will Not Grow Weary

The holidays, and another year, are now behind us, and a new year has begun. For many people, 2009 was difficult, challenging, or just plain hard. I know it was for me. There was a storm in my life. Actually, a storm may not exactly cover it, because it was more like storm, after storm, after storm.

If you’ve read Seed Thoughts for long, you know we experienced our third miscarriage last spring. In some ways, that was the least of what we had to walk through. It was a battle and it thoroughly exhausted me, but it did not defeat me. However, in the last few months, I just felt weary. Flat out, wore out. But because God is good, and He is faithful, he brought the above scripture to mind over and over. And He sustained me.

I don’t know why we had to battle through such a long and overwhelming time, but battle it we did. And God never left us. When I could no longer raise myself up, He did. And I would tell Him, but God I’m weary… And once again He would give me the above scripture. So, I didn’t give up. I just kept on keepin’ on. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, I kept praying and praising, and I kept serving and giving. And you know what? By the grace of God, I made it through.

God is good. He is faithful. And when the storms of life threaten to sweep us away, if we will cling to Him, our Rock and our Foundation, we may sway in the torrent, but we will not be overcome.

So now, with 2010 upon us, I have decided that the theme verse for Seed Thoughts and for me personally is this: And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap a harvest of blessing if we do not give up. ~ Gal. 6:9

I am ready for my harvest of blessing. In the Psalms we read: Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. ~ Psalm126:5 I have done plenty of sowing of tears, and now the harvest of joy is upon me. It has already begun. The most recent tears I’ve shed, have been tears of joy because God is good and He is faithful, and He has blessed me with His love, with His grace, with His mercy and with His favor.

Trials, tribulations and storms come. They affect us all. But we have a choice to hang on to our Rock, or to give up. It is a matter of choice. It is a matter of will. So I declare in this New Year, I will not grow weary and I will not give up. Rather, I will overcome, and I will thrive, and I will live in joy! Amen!

Our Deepest Fear

I first saw this amazing poem, in the equally amazing movie, Akeelah and the Bee. Some time ago, a blogging friend, Valerie from Simply4Him put it on her blog. Today, I was reminded of it, and wanted to add it to my own blog as well. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. It really is powerful!

~~~

Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine,
we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

An ICE Re-Creation

So, God has given me focus. That’s good, right? I don’t have a lot of time these days to do much writing because my almost 2-yr old simply doesn’t understand that I need time uninterrupted to do so. There are some, who can be in the middle of a thought, lay it down to attend to something else and then come back to it and pick up right where they left off. I am not one of them. I can easily do that with reading, but not with writing. Reading and writing reviews is easy for me to do on the go, which is why I’ve been doing a lot more of them lately.

But back to my focus. I wanted to make sure that when I do have time to write, I’m writing what God is directing me to write. Here’s where the focus comes in. I mentioned previously that after much prayer, God gave me an acronym to remember to use for the direction He is leading my non-fiction writing in. That acronym is ICE and it stands for Identity, Character and Emotions.

When a person grows up in a dysfunctional family (as many of us have), there is often a deficiency in these areas. We maybe don’t understand that we have worth, so our character is weak, and our emotions are shut down, hyperactive, or simply all over the place. It all kind of goes together. If these basic things are not shown or taught correctly during the formative years, it does affect adulthood. But it’s not true that old dogs can’t learn new tricks. Especially if we have God on our side!

When I got saved, after living a dreadful heathen lifestyle, God really had to get a hold of me and re-create me. The Bible tells us that when we are born again, we become a new creation, the old has died and the new has come (2 Cor. 5:17). And of course that’s true as far as God is concerned. But we often have to be proactive about the change we are going through. I believe it is possible to get fire insurance – that is to believe and confess that Jesus is Lord and ask for His forgiveness, but then remain basically unchanged. But what a weak walk that would be!

For those who desire more of God than simple life insurance, there is more required. Not a set of rules to be followed, but a life spent seeking, worshipping and serving God. We are transformed into His likeness through the studying of His Word, conversing with Him in prayer and our acts of service (I often say we are not saved to sit, but saved to serve).

When we immerse ourselves in the Word of God, and allow it to, it will change us. We are to not be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Rom. 12:2), and we do that through the Word of God. But it requires our will to choose to read it, and let it in. That’s what I’ve been doing since I’ve gotten saved. I am now a much different and better person, but I still have a ways to go.


So my focus now is ICE:

~ Identity ~ To know, understand and believe who I am in Christ.
~ Character ~ To develop Godly character traits and reflect the Character of Him who made me
~ Emotions ~ To experience healthy God-given emotions, but to rule over them rather than let them rule over me.

I am excited about this new focus God has given me, and look forward to exploring it. I am thrilled to have you along for the journey. Be sure to look for more ICE posts to follow.

I Am "The Clay"

The Clay by Ron DiCianni© 2009. Image used by Permissionwww.TapestryProductions.com

This is me. No, I’m not the woman shown, but it is a picture of my life. And maybe yours too. It has been just over 10 years now since I’ve turned my life over to Jesus. When I first came to Jesus, I was a wreck. I had been a heathen for about 18 years (I knew Jesus as a child) and was really good at it. I was broken and bruised from years of dysfunction and mistreatment – some of which was inflicted by others, while some I inflicted on myself.

I was so relieved and grateful to learn that I could come to the Holy, Righteous God, regardless of what I’d done. He received me as I was, filthy with sin, and washed me in the blood of Jesus, making me white as snow, righteous not because of what I’d done to earn it, but because Jesus made me so. And soon I learned that God loves me enough to accept me as I am, but He loves me too much to leave me that way.

Soon after I got saved, I found that I wanted more and more of God. I couldn’t get enough of the Bible and read it all the time. I also discovered, with great wonderment and awe, those wonderful things that are Christian Bookstores! And it was in my first Christian bookstore, only a few months after I came back to Christ, that I first saw this painting, The Clay by Ron DiCianni.*

When I saw this painting, I literally gasped! Of course, I had to get it. In that moment, I was able to “see” perfectly the image of the Scripture, “Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8) We are all clay in the hands of The Potter, who forms and fashions us into the image He has for us. He sees us as the masterpiece He created us to be, then lovingly, patiently molds into that image.

Sometimes the outward image is not a true representation of what we are. We may look right on the outside, never showing the flaws, cracks and imperfections that appear on the inside. Often times we know this, and work very hard at portraying a beautiful outward shell, knowing that is what is inside is anything but. However, God sees our inner condition, and He is always there to repair, restore and rebuild us from the inside out. But it is not a passive process. We have a part to play too.

God is always a Gentleman, He will never force us to accept Him, and He will never force us to change. We have to willingly allow Him to work on us, and trust Him to do what is best for us. His Word is one of the tools He uses to help us to change. It is filled with wisdom, correction, comfort, guidance, and love. I'm passionate about God's Word and the way it transforms us, if we choose to allow it to. It is alive and powerful. Because of it, I have gone from broken to beautiful, from victim to victor and from a survivor to an overcomer. It is only by the power, patience and grace of God, my loving Father and Potter, that I’ve done so.


*You can find The Clay and other artwork by Ron DiCianni at http://www.tapestryproductions.com

To Trust and Obey

What I know is this. God will use me. All I have to do is trust and obey. When I began this writing journey a year and a half ago, I didn’t have any idea where it would take me. I just knew God told me to start writing again and make it more public. So I trusted and obeyed. And it has been wonderful!

I’ve found that by following the Lord’s leading, He has used me for His purposes, and I have received the benefit. God is so good! He owes me nothing and gives me everything! The season I’ve been in has been B U S Y . . . With a toddler running around, church activities, attempting to be a domestic diva (ok, so I’m more like a domestic dunce), starting a new home-business, and having a super-abundance of books to read and review, my writing time has diminished. And I haven’t been happy about that. However, God has shown me that it’s just for a season, and I will get back to writing more. Lot’s more.

Just because I haven’t been doing a lot of writing though, doesn’t mean that I haven’t been thinking and praying about it. And once again, God has come through. He is dumping so much into me that I have to write down all the ideas so I won’t forget. He’s been giving me tons of ideas for blog posts, devotionals, articles and fiction books.

Another thing I’ve felt the Lord leading me toward is speaking engagements. I don’t know what it will look like exactly and I don’t know when it will happen, but again, all I can do is trust and obey. So believing this will happen someday, it is my desire to prepare. As it has been said, luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity (Seneca, Roman philosopher, mid 1st century). Of course it’s not luck that I’m waiting on, it’s the Lord, but the principal is the same, right?

With that in mind, I’ve been praying that the Lord would reveal what my platform would be. After all, all speakers have to have a platform right? Once again, God has not let me down. He first gave me the acronym ICE, meaning Identity, Character and Emotions. All of these have been very important to me since I’ve become saved, because I have really worked hard at knowing my identity in Christ, having good character, and mastering my emotions, rather than allowing them to master me.

After ten years, I’m happy to say that I am well on my way to being the person God created me to be. Growing up dysfunctional, I never had any of this modeled for me, so God has had a lot of work to do. But He is faithful, and He will not quit on me. After all, it says in Phil. 1:6 “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

So as I have time, I will write on the things that God has been revealing to me. I am really excited about this new turn in my journey, and I’m thrilled to have you along for the ride! Stay tuned, it’s going to be good!

For Everything There Is A Season

For everything there is a season. This is a thought that has been going through my mind a lot lately. It is something I’ve been living. It’s probably something you have been living too. Seasons in life change, much like the changing of seasons in nature.

It hasn’t been easy for me to blog lately. Sweet Pea is full-on into everything now, which is quite prohibitive when it comes to doing any actual thinking or writing. And our laptop was broken and being repaired for nearly a month! While I do my writing on the desktop in the office, I usually read on the laptop because it is in the family room, and the desktop is in the office – with too much for Sweet Pea to get into.

So I haven’t been around much. But I miss visiting with you all, and sharing my thoughts. I know that this time will pass (and it will probably seem too quickly at that), but for now, I’m just not as present online in the blogging world as I would like to be. It’s true that I could write at night, and that’s what I’m trying to get back to, but with chasing a toddler all day, I’ve been pretty drained lately and my thoughts simply don't want to be coherent at night any longer.

Still, I will try to visit and post more, because I miss it, I really do. And I miss you all. I’m still happy to be posting the letters from His Princess and the book reviews, but I miss writing. All of this has gotten me to thinking about the “seasons” passage in Ecclesiastes. I’ve been dwelling on it a lot recently, and I may even attempt to do another series based on this passage of Scripture. We shall see.

And there is the finality of another season. Since I've been blogging, I’ve shared my struggles with having another baby. The struggle is now over. We have decided that after all the difficulties in actually getting pregnant, along with the three miscarriages, and the fact that I am now 40, it is time to stop. Actually, God has shown me that this season is finished. Sure, I could fight it, but that would be pretty fruitless, because I know God’s plan is always best. And for the first time in seven years, I’m at peace with where we are in having a family. With God’s revelation, He also bathed me in peace and love. And I know that one day, I will meet my other children in heaven. Oh what a wonderful day that will be!

So, I will stop fighting the tide, and simply be grateful for the amazing and wonderful gift that He has given me in my daughter. And I will get through enjoy these toddler times and trust that one day, I will no longer say “no” 3648 times per day. And I will try to appreciate all the seasons, whatever they are.


For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. Ecc. 3:1-8 (NLT)

Do Not Go Gentle...

About two months ago, I began going to physical therapy three times a week. I’d like to say it’s because of an old sports injury, or a wild freak-accident I’d been in, or better yet, that I’d hurt myself rescuing a helpless kitten escape a burning building. You know, something cool like that, but that wouldn’t be the truth.

Sadly, the truth is much less thrilling than any of that. The truth is that I turned 40 this year. Yep, the big 4 0. It is no longer possible to deny that I am middle-aged. But all in all, that hasn’t bothered me too much. After all, my experience has shown me that each decade of my life is better than the previous one.

With aging maturity though, also comes some unwanted things. Things like aches, pains, strains and cracks. Things like not being as fast, fit or flexible. And the understanding of what itis’s are: arthritis, tendonitis, bursitis. I’m now learning the importance of core conditioning and strength training, not for vanity sake, but for health sake.

Some of this is to be expected after all, because we do have earthly bodies that are already in a state of decay and dying to this life. There is no fountain of youth, magical pill, or expensive surgery that will grant us immortality. Unless we meet our demise early in life (which is always possible), old age will creep upon and overtake us. That is merely biology.

But one day, our bodies will last, and we will be pain and illness free. God has prepared for us an eternal and glorified body, to be dwelled in when this fleshly body wears out. One day the aches will be gone, a distant memory of a time when things weren’t perfect and pure. I love the hope, assurance and comfort I get from the following passage of Scripture:

“For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodiesWhile we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.” ~ 2 Cor. 5:1-5

Until that time comes, however I intend to do what I can to be, and live, healthy. Simple activities like eating well, stretching, strengthening, and getting enough water and sleep are great ways to put off the inevitability of old age. Yes, it will come, but I'll not just sit back and let it overtake me. I am reminded of one of the few poems that I actually like. I first heard it in high school and it struck a chord with me even then. I hope you enjoy it too.

~~~

Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night
By Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

God is God and I Am Not

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible. Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that for God. For it is written, “I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it,” says the Lord. Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good deeds. ~ Rom. 12:17-19, 21


Yesterday morning, during my God time, these were the verses that jumped out at me. I finished reading, and literally said out loud, “Blah, blah, blah.” Yesterday was not an easy day for my husband and I. We were put in the position of having to deal with consequences that came from trusting someone we shouldn’t have, who subsequently betrayed and hurt us deeply.


Even though I’d forgiven this person, and turned them over to God, I didn’t want to read the above verses. I wasn’t in the mood. I knew what we’d soon be facing, and my stomach was churning. Nevertheless, I prayed and I asked God for His mercy, grace and favor, to get us through the day.


Not long after that, when we were in the midst of our “stuff,” we abruptly and unexpectedly came face to face with this person. To the best of our knowledge, this person was not going to be there, and was in fact there for a different reason. We were stunned. There was our enemy, the one who’d so casually betrayed and hurt us, the one we’d hoped we’d never see again. The one we certainly didn’t expect to see on this day.


As I sat there, feeling as if we’d been sucker-punched, I was questioning God, why? Why are we face to face with our enemy? I mean, God is the God of the Universe! He is the Lord God Almighty! He is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent! He could have done something, right? Well, He did. He reminded me of these Scripture verses I’d read just that morning. He’d spoken to me through His Word, and reminded me that He was in control, and that even if I didn’t see what was happening, this was in His hands.


Phew! I gained some peace by this and hope that though this situation was excruciating, it wasn’t the end, and that if we remain honorable, God would use it for good in our lives. I believe that. I also believe that God is good, and He can be trusted, with my life, with my heart and with my hurt. Sometimes I just need to remember that God is God and I am not. And I am so grateful that He loves me enough to teach, guide and correct me through His Word and through other sources. I am so grateful that He loves me enough to accept me where I am, but He loves me too much to let me stay there.


My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights. ~ Prov. 3:11-12

You Lead Me Lord ~ Psalm 139, Part 4

"O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers! They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name. O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you? Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." ~ Psalm 139:19-24


This is a tough one. Have you ever been hurt by another person before? Betrayed, slandered, mistreated, abused, or violated? Have you ever witnessed injustice, cruelty or prejudice? Have you ever been a victim of circumstance or persecution? Of course you have, you’re human! We all have. We live in a fallen world, overcome by sin, and we’ve all experienced, and caused, by the way, pain.


As Christians we are admonished to forgive. Forgive, forgive, forgive! Jesus said we are to forgive a person who hurts us seventy times seven, meaning as often as we are hurt or offended. We are to forgive if we want to be forgiven.


Forgiveness isn’t natural. It isn’t what we want. What we want is payback, vengeance, justice. We are humans, and we have human emotions and desires. When I read the above verses, I love the raw honesty of the Psalmist. He is being real with his emotions, strong and passionate as they are, as he cries out to God for intervention.


No, forgiveness isn’t natural. But it is necessary. It is necessary for our own sakes. When we hold onto the offenses that are done to us, we become steeped in anger, and that anger turns to bitterness, animosity, hostility and hate. And those emotions are destructive, not to the person who hurt or offended us, but to ourselves.


If we choose to forgive our enemies, we free ourselves from an ugly and dark self-imposed prison and we free God to act on our behalf. He will vindicate us. God is the judge, and He’s got our backs! It says in Romans 12:19, “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”


Offering forgiveness doesn’t simply mean the offender is getting off without penalty though. Simply put, actions have consequences. One way or another. Forgiveness can be instantaneous, but I think (in my case anyway) that’s more the exception than the rule. We have very real and strong emotions that we experience when we are harmed. That’s natural. And we often have to allow ourselves to experience them before we are able to choose to let go, heal and forgive.


When we make that choice, it doesn’t necessarily make all of our feelings go away, but rather it allows God to come in and begin to do His work in helping us to heal. His healing further allows us to let go and move forward. It is then that we are able to follow His lead and live the life He desires for us to have.


And it is only after that, after we’ve allowed God to show us the dark places in our hearts and heal us, that we are truly able to follow His path, ascend His hill and stand in His holy place.


“Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD? Or who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive blessing from the LORD, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.” ~ Psalm 24:3-5

You Made Me Lord ~ Psalm 139, Part 3

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! ~ Psalm 139:13-18


Oh, what comfort these verses have brought and continue to bring me. Though I had heard the expression “God don’t make junk” before, I didn’t truly get it, until I read these verses. Then again. And again. I read them over, and over, and over, letting them take root deep inside my heart. I needed them – desperately.


People who’ve grown up in abuse, poverty and dysfunction often struggle with feelings of inferiority. Self-worth is frequently associated with performance. There is often a feeling of not fitting in or measuring up. That’s how it was with me. Often through the years, my pain, anger, loneliness and oppression really got to me. I sometimes thought I was unlovable, to myself, to others, and to God. I didn’t think I was a bad person per se; it was more like I just didn’t matter. I wandered through life, determined to do and be better than my family. I worked hard and was pretty well liked, eventually, popular even. But all of that was superficial. Inside I was eaten up by insecurity and unworthiness.


I always was aware of God, always knew Jesus, but I never committed my life to Him. It wasn’t because I wasn’t interested. I just couldn’t find Him. I tried out various churches through the years, but never felt anything. Finally, when I was 30, I walked into the church that changed my life. God had been wooing me and I was primed. I was ready. I was tired of searching, I now wanted to find.


And find Him I did! God radically changed my life and more importantly, how I saw and valued myself. I realized I was beautiful, enjoyable, and purposeful simply because He made me that way. I had worth and value, because He created me, not because of where I came from or what I’d accomplished. The wonderful and amazing God of the universe, created me, thought about me, loved me, had a purpose for me.


It is truly astounding to me, that He has written all the days of my life in His book. That He has a very specific and unique purpose for me, one that only I can fulfill. He created me; giving me the looks and personality He wanted me to have to fulfill that purpose. I have learned that when I criticize myself, I am actually criticizing the work of God’s hands. That’s not to say I can’t or shouldn’t better myself, but rather I’m kinder to myself as I go about it. I may mess up from time to time, but God is still there. He still watches over me and thinks of me. He still loves me.


I now know that no matter what happens in my life, I am not alone. I am not unwanted or unloved. The following song was instrumental in preparing me to receive Jesus as my Savior. God led me to it a few months before I was saved. I played it nearly non-stop. I love it still. I hope you enjoy it too.

Takin' the Time

This is the time of year, in which a lot of us typically think about… well, time. The current year is drawing to a close and the New Year is about to begin. We reflect on what we’ve experienced throughout this current year and dream about what we’ll experience next year. Sometimes we’re happy to see a particular year end, because it’s been filled with difficulty and trials, other times we ponder the abundant blessings the year has brought us.

During the Holiday Season, there never seems to be enough time and we are frequently far busier than we should be. We rush around in frantic fashion, going from this event to that, constantly cooking and cleaning, and doing shopping for and wrapping of gifts. How can we enjoy the season if we’re too busy to experience the joy of the season?

Time is a precious commodity, and we all have just a certain amount of it. The Bible tells us to ‘redeem the time,’ to make the most of it. Once it’s gone, it’s gone, there’s no getting it back or making more of it. At the end of our days, we don’t want to look back and think about all of the busy times, but rather we want to think about the special, meaningful times, and have our memories filled with warmth and love, instead of emptiness and regret.

The activities I mentioned previously are all good things, as long as the business doesn’t overtake the joy and meaning of the Christmas Season. If you’re stressed and overloaded this time of year, try to make a conscious effort to slow down, take a break and enjoy. It’ll do you good to relax a bit. Take some time to think about the reason for celebrating – the birth of Jesus and the love of family and friends. I guarantee you it will be time well spent!

Ordinary days and activities do have a place in our lives, and we should be productive, but we must be mindful to seize the moments that come our way that are filled with joy, beauty, laughter, love and life. This is to build memories and to not just get through our time here, but to enjoy the journey. At the end of my days, I want to remember that through it all, I loved, and lived, life. Don’t you?

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away." ~ Unknown

A Joyful Noise

One of the things I like to do as a new mom is sing to my daughter. Of course there’s lots of nursery rhymes and lullabies, but that’s not all. Sometimes I sing silly little songs that I make up along the way. Sometimes I’ll sing along with the radio or CD. What it is doesn’t seem to matter too much to her. She just likes it. I sing, we dance, she laughs. Life just doesn’t get much better than that!

I love to sing and I love music. All kinds of music. (I am an 80’s girl after all!) If you were to take a look at the playlists on my Ipod, you’d find a little bit of a lot of things. I get bored very easily if I stick to only one genre of music. And when my music is going, I’m usually singing along. Often times, I’m singing along LOUDLY. There’s only one problem. I don’t sing well and I don’t have a good voice. I guess that’s technically two problems, but I digress.

There’ve been many times that I’ve thought, “It’s not fair! Why do I love to sing so much if I’m not good at it?” I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I’ll never be on the worship team at church and no matter how much I want to, I’ll never have a voice like Martina McBride. I’m sure that I’m not the only one who’s ever wanted (ok let’s be honest here, coveted) someone else’s gift or talent. For a long time, I just sort of dismissed any gift or talent that I had, like it was unimportant or irrelevant. For instance, I knew I could write, but so what? Lots of people can write and besides no one sees it but me. Or so I thought.

When I became a Christian, God started working on me. He had a lot to do. He not only had to help me change into a better version of the person I was, but He had to help me change the way I saw myself too. He showed me that He created me uniquely, with my own gifts and talents. He also showed me that those gifts and talents were not just for me, and that if I did not share them, as He intended, then I was in effect rejecting them. It was an amazing revelation for me! He created me, with specific gifts and talents, to become a wholly unique individual with an intended purpose that nobody but me could fulfill. Wow!

So now, here I am, writing for the glory of God. It is my hope and my prayer that the words I write will touch, encourage or otherwise help the reader. As I have begun this journey of writing publicly, I take very seriously the responsibility God has entrusted to me. I know that if I will stay out of His way, by not pushing my own agenda, I will fulfill the purpose He has set before me. To me, this is an act of worship and praise. And in writing, I know my voice is pretty good.

As far as singing goes, well I guess I’ll just keep doing what comes naturally. I will make a joyful noise and be comfortable in knowing that to God and to Reagan, that’s just fine.

“Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all you lands! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come before His presence with singing! Know (perceive, recognize, and understand with approval) that the Lord is God! It is He Who has made us, not we ourselves [and we are His]! We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving and a thank offering and into His courts with praise! Be thankful and say so to Him, bless and affectionately praise His name! For the Lord is good; His mercy and loving-kindness are everlasting, His faithfulness and truth endure to all generations.” Psalm 100