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Remember, I have moved my book reviews to their own blog. Tracy's Book Nook is now active.

Tuesday, December 8

Just Holding On...

I guess it's time to re-connect with everyone here. I know I haven't been around much. Other than a few book reviews and the His Princess letters, I haven't been around at all. For once, I don't have much to say. I haven't written any blog posts (I'm sorry), I haven't written any fiction, and I haven't been around to visit any of you wonderful bloggy friends.

Today would have been my due date for the miscarriage I had in May. As much as I thought I had dealt with it previously, the grief has come back in full force. The six year journey of trying to have children has taken a toll on me, though I am SO thankful that we have had one. In addition, we've been dealing with another devastating situation for the last two years, which thankfully, is now behind us. However, now that it has passed, I'm feeling the weight and sorrow of that as well.

I know that there are so many people who are suffering greatly with trials much larger than my own and that I have much to be grateful for. And I am. Really. But I am also weary. A body can deal with a lot for a long time, but a time comes when you're so tired of the struggle that it takes what remains of your strength to simply hold on. That's where I'm at. It's where I've been for a while now. But I am holding on. I'm holding on to Jesus and I'm holding on to hope. Hope that next year will be better and I will be stronger, hope that God will restore what the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25), and hope that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28).

As this year draws to a close and I experience these feelings of loss, sorrow and weariness, there is one Scripture in particular that is speaking to me. And as such, I feel that it is appropriate to become next year's theme for Seed Thoughts. It is:

Thank you all for the friendship you've shown me since I began this blog a year and a half ago. Truly this whole experience has been a blessing. Thank you too for your patience in my lack of posting lately. I'm sure I'll be back on track soon. God is faithful and He will see me through.


AnooCre8ion said...

Hi Lauryn, God is faithful to what He has promised. I pray you continue to hold on to His hand even when you can't see where He is leading.


Mom to 9 Blessings! said...

My prayers are with you!

If there is anything I can do let me know!

Hugs and love,

Anonymous said...

Prayin' for you, Lauryn. Love ya, sister.

Julie The Surrendered Scribe said...

I won't pretend to say I understand it all but for us, we went from nearly losing our youngest, her health struggles, a move, and then once we moved our new insurance rejected all her therapy to the tune of thousands we did not have. I believe the health problems I had last year leading to my surgery was the result of those situations. But from that deep, intense pain came a season of preparation for Kingdom purpose. I really believe our spiritual lives have seasons and I know for me, that was some winter. But when Spring came, it was a beautiful blossom. I pray your winter season becomes a special intimacy for you and Your Lord, and that when Spring comes, you'll be bouncing around like Tigger! Love to you dear friend.