I Will Not Grow Weary

The holidays, and another year, are now behind us, and a new year has begun. For many people, 2009 was difficult, challenging, or just plain hard. I know it was for me. There was a storm in my life. Actually, a storm may not exactly cover it, because it was more like storm, after storm, after storm.

If you’ve read Seed Thoughts for long, you know we experienced our third miscarriage last spring. In some ways, that was the least of what we had to walk through. It was a battle and it thoroughly exhausted me, but it did not defeat me. However, in the last few months, I just felt weary. Flat out, wore out. But because God is good, and He is faithful, he brought the above scripture to mind over and over. And He sustained me.

I don’t know why we had to battle through such a long and overwhelming time, but battle it we did. And God never left us. When I could no longer raise myself up, He did. And I would tell Him, but God I’m weary… And once again He would give me the above scripture. So, I didn’t give up. I just kept on keepin’ on. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, I kept praying and praising, and I kept serving and giving. And you know what? By the grace of God, I made it through.

God is good. He is faithful. And when the storms of life threaten to sweep us away, if we will cling to Him, our Rock and our Foundation, we may sway in the torrent, but we will not be overcome.

So now, with 2010 upon us, I have decided that the theme verse for Seed Thoughts and for me personally is this: And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap a harvest of blessing if we do not give up. ~ Gal. 6:9

I am ready for my harvest of blessing. In the Psalms we read: Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. ~ Psalm126:5 I have done plenty of sowing of tears, and now the harvest of joy is upon me. It has already begun. The most recent tears I’ve shed, have been tears of joy because God is good and He is faithful, and He has blessed me with His love, with His grace, with His mercy and with His favor.

Trials, tribulations and storms come. They affect us all. But we have a choice to hang on to our Rock, or to give up. It is a matter of choice. It is a matter of will. So I declare in this New Year, I will not grow weary and I will not give up. Rather, I will overcome, and I will thrive, and I will live in joy! Amen!

I Am "The Clay"

The Clay by Ron DiCianni© 2009. Image used by Permissionwww.TapestryProductions.com

This is me. No, I’m not the woman shown, but it is a picture of my life. And maybe yours too. It has been just over 10 years now since I’ve turned my life over to Jesus. When I first came to Jesus, I was a wreck. I had been a heathen for about 18 years (I knew Jesus as a child) and was really good at it. I was broken and bruised from years of dysfunction and mistreatment – some of which was inflicted by others, while some I inflicted on myself.

I was so relieved and grateful to learn that I could come to the Holy, Righteous God, regardless of what I’d done. He received me as I was, filthy with sin, and washed me in the blood of Jesus, making me white as snow, righteous not because of what I’d done to earn it, but because Jesus made me so. And soon I learned that God loves me enough to accept me as I am, but He loves me too much to leave me that way.

Soon after I got saved, I found that I wanted more and more of God. I couldn’t get enough of the Bible and read it all the time. I also discovered, with great wonderment and awe, those wonderful things that are Christian Bookstores! And it was in my first Christian bookstore, only a few months after I came back to Christ, that I first saw this painting, The Clay by Ron DiCianni.*

When I saw this painting, I literally gasped! Of course, I had to get it. In that moment, I was able to “see” perfectly the image of the Scripture, “Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8) We are all clay in the hands of The Potter, who forms and fashions us into the image He has for us. He sees us as the masterpiece He created us to be, then lovingly, patiently molds into that image.

Sometimes the outward image is not a true representation of what we are. We may look right on the outside, never showing the flaws, cracks and imperfections that appear on the inside. Often times we know this, and work very hard at portraying a beautiful outward shell, knowing that is what is inside is anything but. However, God sees our inner condition, and He is always there to repair, restore and rebuild us from the inside out. But it is not a passive process. We have a part to play too.

God is always a Gentleman, He will never force us to accept Him, and He will never force us to change. We have to willingly allow Him to work on us, and trust Him to do what is best for us. His Word is one of the tools He uses to help us to change. It is filled with wisdom, correction, comfort, guidance, and love. I'm passionate about God's Word and the way it transforms us, if we choose to allow it to. It is alive and powerful. Because of it, I have gone from broken to beautiful, from victim to victor and from a survivor to an overcomer. It is only by the power, patience and grace of God, my loving Father and Potter, that I’ve done so.


*You can find The Clay and other artwork by Ron DiCianni at http://www.tapestryproductions.com

Search Me, O God

When I first got saved, 10 years ago, I had a voracious appetite for the Word of God. I stopped watching TV, changed my relationships and associations, and most definitely changed my activities. I read the Bible all the time. Seriously, any free time I had. I just couldn’t get enough of it. I read the whole Bible three times the first year. Except for Psalms.


I just couldn’t get into Psalms. It wasn’t that I didn’t think there wasn’t good content to be read; it’s just that I couldn’t structure it right. I had a tendency to read like a machine, start at the beginning and go straight through to the end, but I found I couldn’t do that with the Psalms. Eventually I found a way to read them. And guess what? I found that I loved them! Such beauty, such love, such pain, such humility, such need for God, such need for grace, such honesty. Brutal honesty at times. I found so much contained within the Psalms that spoke directly to me, and whatever situation I found myself in. Now I love Psalms, and have tons of underlining, highlighting and notes to prove that.


Recently when I was in Psalms and came to a passage that really caused to me pause and think on it for a moment. I was in Psalm 139 (one of my favorites anyway), at the last two verses really jumped out at me. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” ~ Psalm 139:23-24


What a brave prayer! Read it again and let it sink in. Did the Psalmist really want God to search him and see into the deepest parts of his heart and mind? Yikes! My first reaction was, I really don’t think I would want God to do that to me. But then I realized how absurd that is because He does anyway. He knows the parts inside of me that are still dark and cold. He knows when I hold offense or unforgiveness in my heart. He knows when I sin in thought, even if I don’t actually sin in action.


He knows me far better than I know myself. And that's why I think this prayer is so brave. The Psalmist is asking God to examine him, test him, and then show him anything that is within him, that is not pure and pleasing to God. Why would he do that? Why would we do this? Is this something we really want to know? Isn’t ignorance bliss? No, in this case it's not. The answer to why is in the very last part of the prayer. When God shows us the sin in our lives (thoughts, words, actions, and attitudes), He is leading us along the path of everlasting life, the path of righteousness, the path to Him.


So now, despite my great trepidation, I will try to be as brave as the Psalmist, and pray this prayer on a regular basis, because I know that He corrects me lovingly and for my own good, because He is a good Daddy. That doesn’t mean I have to like it though! (Still working on attitude!) I realize this is not without challenge because once He shows me, I really am responsible for changing. And I will probably have to let go of some things that I’d really rather hang on to. But I know He will be there, and He will give me the grace I need. And I know that according to Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Amen!

Like Cleaning a Carpet

Having a baby around has been so much fun. Watching her learn new skill sets is a constant source of enjoyment and entertainment too! She is now at that age and stage, where she is trying to learn to crawl. We are excited about her development and really want her to learn and grow at her own rate. Of course, this does bring about some tasks of our own, which we need to accomplish in order to make things safe for her. We’ve begun the process of “baby proofing” to try and prevent her from getting hurt as she grows from a little baby completely dependent on us, into a growing, thriving and independent little person.

One of the tasks we’ve had to do is get our carpets cleaned. This is something we’ve been intending to do for a couple of years now. It’s also something that’s really easy to put off, since it’s not really convenient to do. However, with five animals and tons of dust (living in a desert area), it is essential that we do it. When I think of my sweet little baby crawling around on carpets that have been lived on and not cleaned for several years, well it makes my skin crawl. So when I put it into perspective, I find that moving furniture, locking up the animals for a day and staying off a wet, but clean, carpet for several hours is really not that inconvenient, and the alternative is not acceptable. I mean, our animals are really good and we are pretty clean, but life and mess (i.e. furball's) still happens.

When I scheduled the carpet cleaning, I was told to not be surprised if any spots or stains appeared the next day. If that happened, it just meant that the spot was lifting from the pad, to the surface of the carpet. In other words, even though the carpet was thoroughly cleaned and there didn’t appear to be any stain that remained, remnants of the old could resurface. That got me to thinking. It’s kind of like that with us too.

We come to Jesus dirty, dingy, worn and torn and He, by His incredible and amazing patience and grace, diligently works on us, cleaning and repairing us and making us look like new. In fact, he even calls us new. The Bible says in 2 Cor. 5:17, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” When He cleans us, by forgiving our sins, we are a new person with a new life and a clean slate! Praise God!

But similar to cleaning a carpet, even though we are clean and look good, that doesn’t mean that it’s finished. Sometimes there are spots and stains that are deep down, and it takes some time for them to rise to the surface. We may not even know they’re there. But as we go through life, and encounter the things of life, the dark, dirty and maybe even smelly spots that are buried deeply start to rise. We see that we’re not as clean as we thought. We are not yet blemish free. In fact, we may still be quite dirty.

It’s not that the Cleaner didn’t do a good job – He did. But it’s a process. Some things take longer to really come clean. Sometimes, just a dab, or a spot clean, will do you. Other times, a deeply penetrating stain remover is required, followed by an intense steam clean. And that takes a lot of work. But the good news is this. We have a Cleaner, who will do what it takes to get the job done. He will not give up on us. Nor will He ever say, “It’s useless, this is too damaged or not worth the trouble.” No, our Cleaner always patiently and lovingly, continues to work on us, because we are worth it. His shed blood at Calvary tells us so.

“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.” 2 Cor. 3:18